This past week I had a client of mine, who knows that Ethan is a dwarf, use the "M" word during our conversation. I know she didn't even think anything of it, just like it was any other word. I cringed when she said it. But I have a real issue with speaking up when things bother me. I didn't even know what to say or if I should say anything at all. So I opted to just let it go, and just blow it off like I've done other times. I know I probably should just speak up, but I just cant seem to get the words out. I also realize that people just don't know that it's wrong & a hurtful thing to say. I can tell you that I know before we had Ethan, I had no idea. I'll admit I used the word, but I didn't know it would hurt some one's feelings or offend someone.
I just have been thinking about how Ethan is getting older and people are really beginning to notice that he is different. I wanna be prepared for the day that someone says it in front of him. He has a personality larger than life & people are just drawn to him. I don't think he's going to have much trouble dealing with situations himself but I still get nervous as any parent would. I know people can be so mean, especially kids! Fred and I don't want him to take offense when someone uses the word or make fun of him but be able to realize that most people don't understand and don't know that it is wrong.
I guess I want to figure out how I should react myself so I can teach him how he should react. And I'm looking for some input from all of our blogging friends. I'd like to know how any of you have reacted if you've been faced with a situation like this? Or how you think you'd approach it. I am so grateful to have all of you out there to be able to discuss this with. I am so glad to have found such great people that can know exactly what you are going through and truly understand! I'd like to say thank you in advance for any input you share! It's greatly appreciated!
-Jennifer!
P.S.- Just had to add this!
The other day Ethan called me into the living room to show me the new trick he could do. Don't you love how flexible our kids are???
9 comments:
Oh I am the first to comment-first off love the pic of Ethan and it is awesome how flexible they are.
I have heard people use the word-one being my cousin. Now she loves Preston more than life and I truly don't think she even knows it is a word to offend an LP. Seriously. A lot of people still think there is a difference between a midget and a little person. I just try to say it's word but if used in a derogatory way then I will say something. If used in conversation with true naivete then I chalk it up to they really don't know. Sometimes I say something, sometimes I just don't-I don't know why-I just don't.
The kids at school now know Preston is smaller and I am so fortunate that the kid in school that sometimes picks on other children loves Preston. And is super protective of him. Newer kids will ask if he is a baby but the teachers say that Preston grows differently-and that is that. You need to see how many kids are right there to help him on a daily basis even though he tells them he can do it himself.
I really don't have great answers because I have not yet been faced with the use of the word much. I do know it bothers me more to hear it now, even though I never gave it any thought prior to Preston.
I really don't have much to add as I haven't been faced with this...YET. But, I do know when I hear the "m" word, it makes me cringe. Knowing me (and knowing my foot is in my mouth about as much as it's out), I will definately say something. The only way to get it stopped if someone really doesn't know just how offensive the word is, is by educating them...and that's what I'll do (and hopefully in a respectful manner). It's the ones who continue to use it AFTER being informed of the hurtfulness of it that will really tick me off. Watch out!!! ;)
I am the first to correct someone and have. If the M word comes out I stop them in mid sentence and correct them. They listen to me. Never have I heard them use the word again after that. Like you, I cringe when I hear it. I have never had anyone use the M word in a really nasty, hurtful way. The day I do...watch out. Oh, and Ethan is so cute in the picture...I just love how flexible our kids are.
Most importantly - Ethan is hysterical! His look of triumph and orneriness is too much!
Ah, the "M" word. Wow. People don't know that it's offensive. If it's being used in an innocent manner, then I try to easily educate that the "M" word is felt to be derogatory and that "little person" or "dwarf" is preferable. Heck, we were at the beach last year and my mom used the word - she had no idea that she had said anything wrong until my gasp of horror alerted her. If it's being used derogatorily, then I definitely say something. I cannot understand how some of my co-workers still don't think enough and say something like "circus M" or "M and farm animals" or something when talking about upcoming hyped events. Which I then explain that they are lucky I don't sue them and that is why the word is seen as derogatory - becuause it is used that way. Grrrr. Long story short - I plan to teach Trace that it is just another word - as long as it is not meant to be harmful.
I think I'm on the same page here. If someone were to use it nievly in conversation, I would either kindly educate them on the proper term or clearly use the right word my self during the conversation as so they would notice. I don't have much experience with your specific situation but in many similar ones like; "oh is he cross eyed" or "blind"? Or "Wow, he looks too small to be able to walk" Umm, yeah, he's 2 and a half, but I just smile and say "yep, he's a little guy" and move along. :)
Jennifer!
I agree with what a few of the others have said ... I think it is about educating the public. Sadly enough a couple of times since having Caden I have caught myself about to refer to an object as a midget. Isn't that awful? His own mother?! and of course I don't mean anything derogitory towards Caden! Personally I don't like the word dwarf either. I prefer to use LP, Little Person, Achon or just small. But most people don't have a clue what those three terms mean so then you have to say dwarf and they get it. Sadly enough when we were at our pediatricans office a few months ago the nurse was trying to get the pulse ox to work and she says, oh, I'm just a medical midget. What? whoa? clearly she meant no harm by it - she absolutely adores Caden and I'm sure she didn't even realize what she had just said. I was so busy trying to keep Caden from crawling off the table and so stunned by her comment I didn't have the nerve to say anything. I hope as Caden continues to grow I will also grow and become more bold about calling people on it when they say the M word.
Trisha
Love Ethan's picture - such a cutie - and I'm always amazed at how flexible our kids are!
I haven't had anyone say the "m" word in a derogatory way in front of me, but if I did I would say something (I know it can be difficult to speak up at times, especially when you worry about offending someone in return). I think it is important to educate others because a lot of people just don't know any better. I have had a couple of people ask about the "m" word, and I just explain that it is a derogatory word and that little person, LP, or dwarf are acceptable/preferable. We plan to teach Simon that it is just a word, and if it is used offensively in front of him, we will speak up.
First of all I love how cute he is! It is crazy how flexible our kiddos can be! As far as the "m" word goes, I haven't had too many encounters with it yet. Sonya is still in the baby stage and just appears younger at this point. Although, I have gotten some stares when my 1 year old who looks like a four month old is sitting in a restaurant high chair eating cherrios and yelling "daddy" to get his attention. Hahaha! I had a relative (funny I can't remember who) use it once. I think the sentence was "So she's just going to be small, she's going to be a midget, no big deal." I then replied "Yeah, she'll just be small, she has a type of dwarfism." I then explained that we didn't want to use the "m" word and I explained it's origion and why it is considered derogatory. The relative apologized and I said "It's ok, you didn't know and neither did we before Sonya graced us with her presence." When it comes to people that Sonya will be around more than just once I feel the need to educate. As far as the rest goes I just let it slide off my back. I can't wrap her up in bubble wrap to prevent all the broken bones she will sustain as a result of her OI and I can't cover her ears everytime the "m" word is spoken or educate every single person that utters it as we walk by. Don't get me wrong, if she is being blatently ridiculed I would speak up and tell people "she prefers to go by Sonya, she is an individual and shouldn't be labeled especially with such a foul word!" As far as distant stares, pointing and whispered comments go, she will have to learn to pick and choose her battles. Whatever way you choose to deal with these situations I'm sure you'll do good!
I keep popping back here to read the comments, because I need help with this issue too! I have a hard time speaking up without feeling flustered. Good to know I'm not the only one, but I do need to work on it!
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